Tiêu đề Bert Hellinger - Adult love in the couple relationship.pdf ✅

Adult love in the couple relationship Neuchâtel Congress, 3-4 June 2005 (translated by María Escribano del Moral ) Taken over from the web site: https://newfamcons.com/ Rilke: “Don’t ever despair, when something is lost, everything improves for us” Love in a couple What happens when we hug? We open our arms, we ally with each other, we go towards each other, we hug, we are close. We are in a deep bond. And the question is: How long can we stand this? After some time, we need to separate a little. Arms remain open. And we look beyond the other, at something greater. We see his family, his fate, life in its whole. And we hug the whole. And we look again. We approach, but this time keeping some distance. We look at each other and see the other surrounded by something wider. Ourselves too. And from that point the relationship is secure and great: this is the other look, the look that reaches far. From there, there is wholeness. Vibrating When you are in vibration, something has started moving in the soul. And that is enough. While we are in the vibration we are moving, whatever the direction that is taken. We make room in the soul for someone who did not have it. Looking and searching for the vibration. Helping a couple The therapist vibrates, then he vibrates with the world, then he vibrates with the other. The therapist helps the couple find that vibration. The therapist starts vibrating, then he vibrates with the couple, and the couple with him. What does it mean to help a couple? The therapist imagines what could be the most fair for the couple, but it is about other forces. It is necessary that the therapist withdraws and lets life live through the man and the woman, to let life live as it wills, and only wait, and be surprised of the movement of the soul. Often, when we want to help, we search for a solution and we imagine it. Sometimes this is impossible, it goes beyond a psychotherapy. Deep down we have life strengths beyond what may be imagined. Then we look beyond each individual, towards something more powerful, where everything is great, and just as it was, and it is usually different of what we imagined. If we listen to ourselves to feel the effect, we see how we change. When we have wishes about the relationship, let us be humble and let ourselves be carried by other forces. And there we find wholeness. Look at which of the members of a couple needs the other less. The best relationship is when both need each other. Look at which of the two has more difficulties.
How to be successful in a couple relationship? Where does this relationship start? In the love toward the mother. If the relationship with the mother is achieved, the couple relationship will be too. Mother equals motherland. The country where we come from is our mother. The relationship with the mother and the motherland is the condition for a good couple relationship. The motherland is something of ours. It is the mother. It is linked to our fate. Only in it can we grow and serve peace. The couple: a relationship between two groups A relationship between two people is an illusion, it does not exist. It is about a relationship between two groups, between two powerful groups, two family systems. A group is in the service of the other. Every group looks for another group to put order in his, and sometimes it succeeds. When a group looks for another group to solve something, what takes place is beyond the love between man and woman, there are other forces. There, the woman becomes the man’s fate, and vice versa. But it is the origins of each one what becomes the other’s fate. Each one is caught in a net of entanglements, therefore in their common fate they have part of the other’s fate, and sometimes they execute positively their own fate. Men die, women live. But sometimes their fates are so much in contradiction that they have to separate. When one has had to take the other’s fate and this stops him from growing and realising, he has to separate out of fidelity to his own fate. The couple relationship is the start of a new family. We have grown up within a family, we go out of it and create a new one. In this new family we continue experiencing what we lived before. We always live within a family. And only within a family. The start of the family: love between man and woman. And then, the children. Each one comes from a different tradition and they must find each other even if they are different, both families shall find each other, and they find their continuation in that new family. Fate It is about a community of fates. What are fates?: The dead, above all the excluded ones, the rejected ones. They have the effect of a fate over those who come after them. How can fate be turned around so it is better? How can we escape the entanglement?
By giving those dead a place in our heart, in our soul. We vibrate with them. We absorb their resonance and vibrate together with them. Then, a greater wholeness gives strength to the relationship. For many families, aborted children become a particular fate, and if we vibrate with them, they are under the family’s protection and instead of being the origin of a grave fate, they turn into a favourable fate. Abortions, life and death What is grave for an aborted child is not the fact of having being aborted, but that they have wished to get rid of him. Looking at the course of life, life feeds on death, life continues because other die. And those who die are in the service of life, even the aborted ones, by themselves, in their soul, are in the service of life. In the Sonnets to Orpheus by Rilke: “the son, fruit of one of my encounters, died and made a little place for himself in my ear, there he has his little bed, and this death vibrates in my ear and dreams the world. This death perceives everything through me, then where is his death? It dreams the world, it vibrates with all that happens, what I hear, what I say and sing. He has all he needs. Let’s listen to the aborted children in our ear, let’s vibrate with them, and they will have all they need. With that gaze, a happiness is found in wholeness, one in which the living and the dead continue vibrating with life as a whole. Children from a previous relationship When there were children from another relationship, something new has to come with the new relationship without replacing what was, and in this way the bond will be deeper. It would be far too easy, too cheap, to proceed otherwise. The old happiness, the previous one, has room in the new one. The new is made possible thanks to a new understanding. Looking at what was or reproducing it is an obstacle to life. Individual Exercise Go back to the past, go back to your previous relationships, look at their result, at the children. Look at those previous partners in the context of the greatness that was, and say to them: thanks. Look at all the past, all what was great, and say to it: thanks. Say to your previous partner: I take everything into my heart, with love. And I keep it, I keep it with love. Respect for men